9' Christmas tree, getting it in the stand, and then getting it to stand
plumb. Being the only still-living male in the family after 1980 or so,
I used to get stuck with "tree detail" for half a dozen family member
and our church. No "Currier and Ives" Christmas scenes here...sparkling
winter vistas, crackling fires, happy families sipping on their mulled
cider...
Nope, here in Northern PA it was more like Antarctic blasts of
below-zero temperatures, howling wind, swirling white-out snow and slick
icy walkways. Add to that a few too many trips to see Jack Daniels (me,
the relatives, and the neighbors).. it was a recipe for disaster, or at
least a good knock-down drag-out or two.
And finally.. those rickety metal tree stands:
Those were the last damned straw. An hour of knuckle-busting
back-throwing effort and we'd still have to tie the trees up or they'd
topple. We lost a couple of them when I was a kid. One almost caught the
curtains on fire. Of course that was back in the days when you could get
third-degree burns from the tree lights. Merry Christmas.
One year, all the metal stands went in the trash, and everyone (who I
had to set a tree up for) got one of those 2-part "wiggling" stands that
adjusts with a foot pedal... I have to admit that was the greatest
Christmas frustration-saver ever.
The second greatest is my "Fat Max". Those are the DIY laser level that
looks like a giant PowerLock. To be honest, I've used it a lot more than
I ever thought I would, not being a $4000 rotary laser and all..but it
does come in handy around the house for hanging pictures, closet shelves
- other homeowner stuff. Well, tonight I found what might be the best
use of all for "Fat Max" - plumbing up the damned Christmas tree.
Yup.. set that baby on "plumb" , point it at the tree so you get a line
on the middle of the base trunk... and across the angel's face at the
same time.. you got yourself a nice straight tree. Repeat from the
other side and you got yourself the true miracle of Christmas... a tree
that is straight in the stand from BOTH directions.
